Another Rambling Post

Hey guys,
Just had some thoughts I wanted to get out, so this is the result.



Do you ever want to be friends with someone. Nothing more, but nothing less. Just friends. But it's impossible. It is absolutely impossible that you and they could ever talk. That you could ever just hang out together, talk more than just about the weather. They don't know who you are, they don't know you exist. And no matter how hard you try, you're just never going to be close enough to be considered more than just "that weirdo who stares at me sometimes".

But, it's frustrating. Because if it was a crush, I could understand. But that isn't it at all. It's more like, I want to be friends with you. I want to know you and talk to you. But that just won't happen. We are from two completely different groups of people. You are you and I am me. Your friends with the people who think they're all that, who think they own the school. You give off the air of being a part of an exclusive club, and my friends and I aren't like that at all. But everyone tells me how sweet you are. Everyone tells me how you are so easy to talk to. How you are always there for everyone. But its that really true? It doesn't seem like that.

Maybe I need to suck it up, and talk to you. You might want to be friends with me. But on the other hand, and much more probable, you don't want to be friends at all. In fact, I am being annoying. After all, I am nothing like your friends. I am nothing at all like the people you are into. The people you like to talk to. I am absolutely nothing like them.

There is no reason you would ever want to be friends with me, so why would I try? My friends are telling me that I should at least try. After all if they got close to you, then why can't I? But I am also nothing like my friends. I am not like them nor am I like you. We have nothing in common.

It's funny, last year, I hate d you. I thought you were self entitled, annoying, and rude. You struck me as an arrogant dbag. But, maybe I made mistakes. And now I'm sad, because I'm stuck with these feeling that I will never be good enough to be friends with you, but at the same time, why not?

I hate you. I hate the fact that you and your stupid friends make me feel like I'm nothing. Like I'm insignificant/ As if I don't matter, and I never will. Why is it that you make everyone else feel so happy when you talk to them? How? Why? You aren't anything special. The way you act as if you are in charge of everything, as if you run the school. It's annoying. Most of all, I'm pissed off that I feel like I'm not important enough to be friends with you. I'm not pretty enough. Or thin enough. Or athletic enough, Or confident enough

But wait. The fact that I'm even thinking these things shows your right. I have no confidence around you and your stupid group. Why not? What am I afraid of? How is it that I can be friends with absolutely everyone except for you? Why are you so intimidating? Why do you make me feel like I'm not good enough; like I'm being tested and I fail the test every time I take it. You don't even know that you're doing it. It's just you. It's not your fault at all. But that doesn't change the fact that I still feel small when you walk around the hall. I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into this pit of self loathing. I don't want to feel like that! Why are you doing this to me. Or more like, why am I doing this to myself.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

Welp.

 Bye guys.
Aqsa